There is so much I can say about Katherine Barcza, born in 1921, although I will let the pictures speak.
My mom used to light a candle on December 30th on the anniversary of my father’s passing in 1960, exactly sixty-four years ago. Perhaps it’s fitting that she passed peacefully in the night, Saturday morning December 28th in her 104th year.
While I have almost no memory of my father, that is balanced somewhat by the good fortune of having my mother sharing an extraordinary life with me and my siblings. At this moment I simply wanted to announce her passing, while sharing a few photos even if they can’t possibly do justice to such an amazing person.
My dad died in 1960, culmination of the decade when she also lost her middle child of five in infancy (four survive) and her father also died back in Hungary. I can’t do justice to her sense of humour, the resilience of someone who could bounce back from anything life threw at her. She had a wonderful sense of perspective.
The bereaved housewife speaking only Hungarian and a little Swedish reinvented herself, gradually learning English, still with a charming accent, working, remarrying & divorcing (when it didn’t work out), and then getting a teacher’s certificate. I’m sorry she didn’t write a memoir of her time teaching at Humbergrove, never taking sick days never stopped by the snow, until her retirement in 1986.
Or was it ’87? It makes me a bit crazy to think that I can’t ask her…(!)
There were stories from the war, from the arrival of the Russians in Budapest, and after, amazing anecdotes of a teacher who loved her students as if they were her own kids. If there’s a lesson in this it’s to tell you how important it is to capture memories, to record your stories, either writing them down or on tape. Memory fades and right now I am perplexed at how it is all slipping away. And I think I have already said too much as I have no confidence in words to express what needs to be said.
Her joyous outlook was still there a few days ago, the last time I saw and heard her, singing in Hungarian. Her mind was so sharp, remembering details about her favourite novels (she read over 150 in the past decade or so), old movies (Shop Around the Corner was her favourite), song lyrics in multiple languages, places.
I learned a lot about how to live from my mom, a genuine social butterfly who came to life around other people. While she bravely lived a long life alone, after divorcing her second husband, she would regularly host one or more of her four children and friends.
She knew how to cook but perhaps more importantly, she knew how to enjoy life.
Blue was her favourite colour.
I am full of gratitude for what I experienced, to her and to my siblings who shared her care over the past few years.
barczablog 
So sorry about the passing of your mother but what a wonderful long life she had…
Frances Henry
Dr. Frances Henry O.C. FRSC
Professor Emerita
York University
Indeed, it’s always great to hear from you Frances. Thank you.
Leslie,
My dear, I”m so touched by this beautiful tribute, And i’m so sorry for your loss.
What a beauty she was! How strong and resilient, and loving. Katherine Barcza, your mother, a true golden pillar. And a teacher, so she has passed so much along, not just through you and all her kids, but all her students. What a blessing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. To you and your siblings and your families I extend my heartfelt sympathy.
Thinking of you, and sending much love,
and hugs
Allegra
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Thank you Allegra, your generous reply has a lot of truth to it. I will ponder your lovely words for a long while.
Leslie. Of course I never knew her but I can see from your comments she was amazing. The best that you, her son, thought she was amazing and I bet she knew that. My condolences…
Thank you Carl!
A lovely tribute to your beloved mother. My deepest sympathy at your loss. May the fond memories you have of her comfort you in your sadness.
I’m grateful that her passing was peaceful and while she slept (as she had hoped). That’s all any of us can hope for I suppose. Thank you.
Dear Leslie,
My sincere condolences to you and your family on the passing of your dear mother Katherine. Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories and pictures of your beautiful mother. Sending warm hugs, Lori Wells (colleague and retiree of the University of Toronto)
Lori I miss you and so many of my colleagues. Great to hear from you always, I enjoy your thoughts (on Facebook), and because of the pandemic I didn’t get to properly say farewells upon my retirement. However it unfolds I will never forget that I am a lucky guy.
Thank you Leslie for your kind words. Means so much! I just recently retired from the university as well, and I am thrilled that I decided to do so. Time for the younger generation to take over and run things. Again, my sincere condolences to you and your loved ones.
Retirement is a transition to a new life. It’s exciting as we go on to the next thing. For example, my mom retired at 65 and lived another 38 years. Longevity isn’t guaranteed by any means but who knows? you may do some amazing things in the years to come. Yes let the younger generation have their turn. And maybe we have better things to do..(?).
A wonderful tribute to an amazing Lady! Rest in Peace
Dear Katherine
sincerely walter
Thanks for the kind words.
What a great tribute to an amazing lady.
She was truly blessed to have such a loving son.
With Love and sympathy, Luba
Thank you, your words mean a lot. You’re very kind.
Lovely sentiments! Always came through that you cared for your Mother! Condolences for your loss.
Mary Slining( a fan)
Thank you so much. I’m very grateful for how peacefully my mom passed away, and for the many kind words. I’m a lucky guy.
Leslie, your tribute would have made your mom very happy and proud! She was a bright light reflected in you, Zooey and your siblings!
Thank you!!
Thank you, those are lovely thoughts. Much appreciated.
Sharing is good. Sad about the loss of your mother.
As you mention – I have a similar regret – not asking questions of my grand-parents.
And take care.
caroline.
I talked to my mom a great deal, but so much of what she said and sang was quickly flying past me in Hungarian. Oh sure I was amused: but often I didn’t write it down, and now I can only wonder: what was that she was singing or saying? I’m lucky that she did write a fair bit down. Yet there’s a disparity, the gap signifying what I missed. I have a new-found understanding of that word “regret”.
Thanks for you comments!
Oh, Leslie, I am so sorry.
You have spoken so eloquently and lovingly about your mother here: a fine tribute. The questions we have left unasked is one of the hardest parts about a loss: they slam us against the reality of what is no longer possible over and over again.
I send my condolences to you, Erika, your siblings and all of your families. I wish you strength at this hard time.
Mary
Isn’t it funny? Joni Mitchell’s line “don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone” isn’t just about paving paradise and parking lots. I was especially foolish to take my mom for granted, given that she was already 103. She seemed so resilient so bright . I should have written down more of what she said. I did capture some of her stories and rhymes. But there’s so much I should have asked her, that now… is gone.
Thanks for the kind words.
How blessed were you to have such a wonderful mother. I loved reading what you wrote – you must miss her very much. Keep your memories alive!
That’s the plan (to keep my memories alive). Indeed it occurs to me –in this conversation about my mom– that the entire purpose of the blog is in some ways to help my memory. Writing a detailed account of a symphony concert or an opera or a book is a way to dig deeper and by doing so, to help me remember. It’s not JUST a selfish thing, of course. I really see the blog as a kind of help, like a therapist or a teacher. A critic is a dramaturg a scholar of the performance and if that’s not being helpful we really should keep quiet. And boy I must sound like a drunk, writing a big verbose thing about keeping quiet, so close to midnight on New Year’s Eve. “Wow he’s drunk” you may think. But mostly just enjoying the process. I’m learning a lot, and grateful for the kindness i’m being shown. Thank you for the kind words!
For the family of Katherine Barcza:
I first met you, beautiful lady, through your son Peter. I was privileged to attend Opera School in 1970, where he was a valued graduate and still active. You were the bonus!
I have loved and admired you for 54+ years and I treasure all the visits to your beautiful home, getting to know your children, and enjoying your support of me as I worked my way through the various paths of becoming an opera singer. You once brought me a tiny turquoise case and inside was a fancy oval soap with a face fashioned on it. You wanted me to have it because you thought it looked like me as I was singing Mimi on tour with Peter (Marcello) with the Canadian Opera Company. I still have that treasured memento of our relationship.
My heart is sad to know that you have passed, but I thank God that I was privileged to know and love you. You have been an inspiration and a model of a mother for many of us. You will always be remembered as a talented artist and live on in our hearts and minds. May you rest eternally in peace, dear and lovely Katherine Barcza.
With love,
Rebecca Ann Cooper Gay
Thank you for this beautiful & generous comment. Observing your relationships with the Canadian Children’s Opera Company, as a teacher and of course with your own daughters, I am not at all surprised. It’s been my good fortune & privilege, (although also sometimes a conundrum wondering where you got the energy), another reason to feel grateful and give thanks.